Chowderhead Bazoo

Los Angeles - The Dresden

This crusty time capsule looks like the kind of drinking hole that Bob Newhart and Jerry the orthodontist would have hung out at after work. Lots of brown, lots of scrolly wrought-iron fixtures, and a smattering of well-dressed but gloomily disdainful bar staff make it a hipster-doofus paradise with all of the ironic trimmings. And then there's that swingin' lounge act straight out of a glorious shag carpet-lined nightmare. Check out Marty and Elayne's swanky song stylings, particularly their signature tune - some might say personal anthem - "Stayin' Alive."

Los Angeles

Main Street Barber Shop

Greatest business name ever?

Spielplatz Non-Stop

(Kling klang image to engorge)

Now it is time to play. If you can only figure out how.

This thing showed up in the revamped Nelson Park here in the West End and I'm baffled. What the hell are kids supposed to make of this futuristic, hi-tech Miro-esque jumble of pipes and wires? Upon closer inspection there was a company sticker - Rectec Industries - with some blather about fostering kids' imaginations and creativity. Well, they're sure as shit going to need all the imagination they can muster:

"Look, mom - I'm imagining some goddamn swings over here! Whoop-de-doo - It sure is fun pretending to have fun! Yaayyyy!"

Of course it has to be some kind of neo-hippy-dippy hand-wringing bullshit involving ergonomics and values and life lessons in weepstickery. Great. Explain that to a six year-old who might prefer an old-fashioned slide over a mysterious narrow, wavy strip of hard rubber that leads to nothing. Either that or the school next to the park is some kind of elementary post-industrial design school for tiny Huns.

Feelin' Slumpy

Sylvia Hotel - English Bay

Let's talk about feelings. Special feelings. Grab a snuggy blankey and I'll put the kettle on and then... sigh... feelings.

I hate this time of year. Can't seem to get back into a creative groove despite a number of attempts at jump-starting the ol' giving-a-shit molecules. Maybe I just need more work or maybe it's the endless goddamn winter rain. Or maybe I just gotta' shaddup and ride it out and... Oh - there's the kettle!

Sunshine Coast

Awesome only bigger! The lack of punctuation almost compels you to say it really fast. But they're BIGGER! Couldn't they, you know, just make them more efficient? I don't necessarily need my mind blown and my mouth hanging agape in stupefaction - just get me there on time and without too much calamity, thanks. And now for something completely different...

...where even the wood paneling has wood paneling. (Cue wacka-wacka porno guitar.)

Oh, Brave New World

Next time I'm out drinking and need to take a whiz I guess I'd better bring my sunglasses. Yes, that's a TV. This thing was way brighter than it looks here, especially at a nice comfy distance of about a foot away from my face. Maybe it's designed to blind you sober if you've been hitting the pints a little too hard. It didn't have sound, but I'm sure that's coming. I can't wait to have someone shilling me their shinola right 'round the fucking clock - 24/7 - to the extreme - everywhere I go, literally in my face. Let's go. Give it to me. It's Little Brother; so obnoxious and insistent and ubiquitous that you can't even dangle your privates in privacy. What the - ?

(And here the screen is trying to sell you another screen yet.)

Late Afternoon Sunrise

(Kling-klang image to engorge.)

A Chinese market in Japantown. Except that Japantown is pretty much gone, virtually obliterated by urban blight. (Oblighterated?) I've been through some stinking shit-holes in my day, but nothing I've seen compares to Vancouver's Downtown Eastside.

But this alley behind the market was a rather colourful sight amid the filth and chaos.

Los Angeles

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The Ferry