Based on the swelling numbers of this species, it would seem that the infantilization of the North American male is nearly complete - short of an actual diaper full of shit and accompanying bawling. But hey - the millenium's still young. Really young. He's the perfect stooge for our times; consuming anything you tell him to, easily distracted with useless shiny things waved in his face, and handily placated with the instruments of instant gratification. Requiring even less effort or thought is the fact that he can pretty much wear the same outfit from cradle to grave. Great! Life is one long kindergarten with super-sized drinks and a trail of crud down your shirt-front. Is it too early for man-bibs as casual wear? Go to any mall, airport, or casino and you'll see virtual armies of the Toddler Man, quite literally toddlin' and a-waddlin' along thanks to the cut of his massive crotch-heavy pants and sausagey McGirth. Turn on the TV and there he is again as the modern sitcom dad - the slow-witted slob on the couch, worshipper of the idiot box, sports-addicted, bereft of dignity and as feckless as a newborn - further infantilized by his sassy yet indulgent (and invariably disproportionately attractive) wife. Here he lolls, the new ideal.
What I don't get is that women will fuck these guys and grunt out little versions of Toddler Man...with real poo in their pants.
Don't get me started on the slimmer, hipper version of this guy with the faux-hawk and hoodies. It's still "little kid chic"; where on earth did it come from?!
Posted by: Wigga Please | October 07, 2007 at 03:44 PM
I was wondering when you'd get around to me.
List of Unpleasant Things I don't have to emotionally confront thanks to my corporate overlords:
Death
Suffering
Failure
Responsibility
War
Disease
Poverty
The Future
Now if you'll excuse me, I want to upgrade my Roomba and stop off at Chipotle.
Posted by: BosomBoy | October 08, 2007 at 09:56 AM
There's still a chance. It's up to the women now. Can you say 'selective breeding'? (Heavy on the selective, less on the breeding)
No wait, forget it. Too many toddler-man loving women. I won't get into the reasons. Bad reasons. Lots of them. We're doomed.
Posted by: NotYerMama | October 08, 2007 at 07:30 PM
This discribes anyone who posts on http://forums.somethingawful.com , fat slobbering babies.
Posted by: Dead by 12 | October 09, 2007 at 11:28 AM
you forgot the cell-phone clipped to the shorts, causing unnecessary shirt-tuck (which further accentuates the belly).
Posted by: joe | October 10, 2007 at 02:43 AM
There's a clear anti-male bias in this post. The ratio of fortysomething women who still act like teenagers - throwing fits when they Can't Have Things, and still putting their own needs before those of their families - to the creatures mentioned in this blog post is at least 2:1, if not higher.
I don't know whether you (the blogger) are male, but, if you are, try not to deprecate men TOO much. Our feminazi society already does enough of that, thank you very much.
Posted by: johnny five | October 11, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Feminazis? You mean like "Ilsa - She-Wolf of the SS?" No way, man - she's wicked cool!
Posted by: RF | October 11, 2007 at 12:55 AM
Ho boy, I knew a woman like that, putting her hot dates ahead of her kids because she felt she was entitled to a life as much as these young 'uns. Never mind that she should have already had one.
Don't forget the reclaiming of youth with the body piercings and tattoos.
Posted by: Your Pal Anon | October 11, 2007 at 01:09 PM
"Ho boy, I knew a woman like that, putting her hot dates ahead of her kids because she felt she was entitled to a life as much as these young 'uns. Never mind that she should have already had one.
Don't forget the reclaiming of youth with the body piercings and tattoos."
If she is a MILF, then it is acceptable. Ddi she have piercings and tattoos as well?
Posted by: Nobody | October 12, 2007 at 04:29 PM
when the heck is the book coming out?!
the bane of _my_ existence is waiting for the 'bane of my existence' book to be published allowing me the convenience of perusing various banes of existence at my leisure!
Posted by: ashfalt hoodornaments | October 15, 2007 at 12:43 PM
It's coming... I'll be posting something about it soon.
Thanks for asking, Ash.
Posted by: RF | October 15, 2007 at 09:23 PM
"If she is a MILF, then it is acceptable. Ddi she have piercings and tattoos as well?"
Eh, good point. If she did, they weren't visible.
I'd like to see the book with checkboxes and scorecards, so we can perform our own demographical research. And scratch and sniff!
Posted by: Your Pal Anon | October 16, 2007 at 07:43 AM
"Turn on the TV and there he is... as the modern sitcom dad - the slow-witted slob on the couch, worshipper of the idiot box, sports-addicted, bereft of dignity and as feckless as a newborn - further infantilized by his sassy yet indulgent (and invariably disproportionately attractive) wife."
QFT. The first time I saw 'According To Jim' I was shocked when I realised that Courtney Thorne-Smith's character was supposed to be Jim Belushi's wife, not his daughter. This whole fat-idiot-slob-with-hot-wife meme is insulting to both men AND women, seriously.
Posted by: DGM | October 27, 2007 at 06:28 AM
"I don't know whether you (the blogger) are male, but, if you are, try not to deprecate men TOO much. Our feminazi society already does enough of that, thank you very much."
How about some cheese to go with that whine?
Posted by: Smartpatrol | July 10, 2010 at 08:38 AM